Tantric lovemaking is one of the most advanced practices in tantra, and is the culmination of learning many other tantric practicess and weaving them together into a luscious tapestry. It is a time for two lovers to drop in deeply with each other, and to let go of the outside world. It is time to explore how much bliss you can handle, and push the edges to open to more.
In this practice, we see God/dess, we merge, we are filled with ecstasy. It is a worship not only of our sexuality, but of our hearts and our spiritual connection. Tantric lovemaking teaches us to combine three different energetic connections to our partner at once: A spiritual connection where our energetic bodies merge; a loving connection where we allow ourselves to be deeply vulnerable; and a sexual connection that can feel like fire moving through the body.
Tantric lovemaking is the stuff of transformation in relationships. It reflects whatever is there and makes it really big so we can no longer ignore it. If there is love, it gets bigger. If there is fear, we will feel it in our bodies. If anger, that will come through too. It’s not uncommon for one or both partners to shed tears with the intensity of this practice, and that is normal. It is not unusual to find conflict in the lovemaking that reflects something in the relationship to move through with each other. And then there is bliss and connection that can be renewed, deepened, and strengthened.
Tantric Lovemaking strengthens us as individuals too, giving us the opportunity to come fully present to our patterns in relationship, by seeing their reflections in the lovemaking. We clear the channels in our energy body and become more open to feeling, containing, and transforming our sexual energy. Our finding of passion and joy in the connection translates into finding passion and joy within our life. We can bring these feelings into our work, and all of our other relationships. More than that, it gives us a place to really explore the manifestation of what a spiritual connection feels like in the body. We become part of the world in a new way, more fully connected, more able to love and experience being loved. We expand, gaining a new ability to love the world now because we know what being open is.
Preparing for Ceremony
Begin your tantric lovemaking ceremony by creating a time and space for the ritual. Please view our Setting Up page for more information.
After you have created a beautiful space for the ritual, begin the solo practice of grounding and centering yourself so you can fully come into partnership. A great way to do this is by practicing our Sacred Tree Meditation
Now you are ready to go forward. Set your intentions for the ceremony, including:
- Staying present while making love
- Letting go of goals, especially for orgasm
- Staying as connected and open to your partner as you can
Sit facing your partner now, and come into an energetic connection, a dual meditation. Imagine that you are connecting your roots and branches to each other in meditation, and feel the energetic connection between your root chakras and crown chakras before coming into a physical connection, either woman sitting in the man’s lap, or lying side-by-side, facing each other. Don’t flow into intercourse yet. Slow things down…
Put your hand on your partner’s heart and breathe deeply together. Imagine connecting your heart chakras to each other, and start sending love back and forth, using your exhale to send love and your inhale to breathe in and receive love. Stay with this practice for about 5 minutes before flowing into the next exercise.
Pleasuring the Body
Now you start to go deeper with the practice, going deeper with the art of Dragon Breath. While still connected, start to imagine breathing the fiery energy from deep in the earth up into your root chakras, doing this practice together. After some breaths in the root chakra, breath energy up into the belly just below the navel, then into the solar plexus, then into the heart, then the throat, the 3rd eye, and the crown. Once you reach the crown, breathe the energy all the way up from the earth and let it flow out the top of your heads together.
Now that your energies are warmed up, start to activate your hands and bring all your awareness to your hands and to any tingling you might feel there. Feel the connection between that tingling in your hands and the love that’s in your heart for your partner. As you begin to touch your partner, stay totally present to the feeling of their skin under your fingertips. Touch them from a place of what feels good to you, and slow it down. Let your hands move more slowly than our breath, and keep breathing fully and deeply as you touch, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Touch your partner’s whole body, their arms, legs, torso, feet, and don’t touch the genitals quite yet. Take some time to linger on the other parts of the body and help them to come alive and present to this powerful connection.
Next, it is time to focus some attention on the woman’s breasts, so allow her to lie down and receive this gift. Focus on her breasts and on touching her from a place of being totally present and having no goals. Spend about 10 minutes here, really focusing on sending love to the woman’s breasts, and ladies let this be arousing for you and connect this arousal to your yoni, moving the sexual energy down.
Now focus the touch attention on the man’s lingam, and let the next 10 minutes be an opportunity to practice breathing through arousal and prolonging orgasm. (See our lingam massage ritual for more about ejaculatory mastery and premature ejaculation). Spend time really loving the lingam and sending love from your heart out through your hands.
Finally move to the yoni, massaging it and giving it a lot of love, but not penetrating the yoni yet, just concentrating on external massage (see our yoni massage ritual for more info about how to love the yoni). Spend about 10 minutes here.
Most couples have habits about how they flow into intercourse, so there are a number of lovemaking techniques for you to try and experiment with as you flow into lovemaking:
- Keep breathing –notice that your breath may try to freeze or shorten or get shallow when you are making love. Sometimes men find that breathing deeply relaxes them too much to keep an erection. Stay with it.The rewards of learning to make love, be aroused, and still breathe deeply are many.
- Try Soft Penetration–Try flowing into lovemaking even if you don’t have an erection. It is totally possible to put the penis in the vagina when it is still soft, you just simply feed it in and sit in yabyum (man on the woman’s lap), or lie together in missionary position (man on top)
- Make Love in Stillness–Lie together and instead of thrusting, begin making love just by squeezing the PC muscles in the vagina and around the penis. Move the sexual energy up and down through the chakras. Breathe.
- Flow Between Lovemaking Positions –You can try this flow, or create one of your own. Keep a sense of humor and be willing to experiment.
Remember that real couples making love may need to adjust, to be willing to experiment.
- missionary (man on top)–yabyum (woman in man’s lap)–woman on top–yabyum–missionary.
- Try to find your own flow that works with your bodies and genitals. Different penis sizes and body shapes–work better for different positions.
- Remember to stay out of old habits and goals. Let yourself sink into the pleasure of making love as long as you want. Take your time, perhaps even take breaks and then come back to making love. Men are encouraged to try holding off ejaculation as long as they like, and being open to the possibility of experiencing orgasm without an ejaculation.
One of the nicest ways to end is with spooning. The man holds the woman, her back up against his chest, and they simply lie together and breathe. Let yourself just sink into this and melt with each other. When you are ready (and if you are still awake!) it might be nice to end with sharing a little with each other about what this experience was like for you. Be sure to blow out the candles before you fall asleep!
This ritual is a combination of many tantric teachings. The touch work I first learned as the "16 elements of ecstasy" from Mellissa Seaman. Techniques of PC muslce movement and stillness. Breathwork I learned from Satyam Kamala. The rest is born of reading and experimenting as well as channeling together in our tantric partnership.
We have performed this ritual many times in both private session and as a class setting and are thrilled to offer you our experience.