Lingam Massage or Sacred Lingam Healing. Lingam is the Sanskrit word for the penis. It literally means "wand of light". Lingam massage is the ritual of honoring and healing this part of the body. Touching the penis not from a place of arousal and orgasm but from a joy and wonder of this beautiful part of the body.
You can download the full 2 hour instructional lingam massage video here.
Difficulty with premature ejaculation, or improving male sexual stamina can often be healed through loving nurturing of the lingam. Through this sacred ritual, you learn to release old beliefs that are keeping you from your full potential as a lover, and your full enjoyment of your sexuality.
The Lingam Massage Ceremony
Begin by Creating Sacred Space for your ceremony.
After you have created a beautiful space for the ritual, begin the solo practice of grounding and centering yourself so you can fully come into partnership. A great way to do this is by practicing our Sacred Tree Meditation.
Connecting to your partner
Now that you are deeply connected to your own life force and to the life force of Earth and Sky, begin to connect your roots to your partner’s roots, allowing the connection to feel sexual and spiritual at the same time. You may notice tingling, heat, or arousal when you make this connection. Once your roots are connected, imagine that you are connecting your branches also. Inhale and exhale together, synchronizing your breath to help synchronize your energy levels, making it more easy to come into a connection that contains both stillness, mindfulness, and sexual arousal.
Once you have an energy connection, come into a physical connection, holding hands, touching knees, woman sitting in the man’s lap, or whatever position is comfortable for the two of you. Keep breathing and feeling your energy connection as you come together physically.
Now that you are connected physically, imagine that your hearts are linking together with vines or energy cords. Really feel that your hearts are connected to each other, and that you could send energy back and forth at this place. Add your eyes next, just gently connecting and looking into each other.
Beginning the Ritual–Creating Relaxation
Now you are ready to move into the first phase of the lingam massage, where you focus on helping your man to relax and drop into the tantric space, where there are no goals. This is sacred ritual, and while sexuality and arousal is welcomed and encouraged as part of the ritual, it is important to stay out of the habits of the past. Rather than being a simple hand job (which of course can be yummy!) this is a ceremony designed to allow a man to experience sexual touch with no need to give back or perform in any particular way.
This may be the first time a man has ever experienced this type of touch, and it is really a gift. Be willing to stay present, as if you are meditating, whether you are giving or receiving in this ritual. If you are giving the massage, let your sexual energy flow as healing energy through your hands, breathing it up from your genitals to your heart, and then out through your arms and hands, into your partner’s body and lingam. If you are receiving, really let yourself take in your partner’s energy, and let down any walls you may have. Stay present and out of the need to make love or ejaculate by breathing and staying present. This is not about orgasm, and it’s not about performance. Any state of arousal that you are in is perfect. The man doesn’t have to be hard or soft for any part of this ritual.
See our Tantric Massage ritual for more information on how to perform tantric massage.
Waking up the sexual energy
Have your partner roll over onto his back now, and reposition the pillows so that he is comfortable. You may want to put one pillow under each knee, leaving his legs spread a little bit apart, and another pillow under his head to cushion his neck.
Once your man is comfortable, return to the still touch that you used on his back, and remember to breathe. Gently place one hand over his lingam, cupping the whole penis. While that hand remains still, use your other hand to massage the front of the man’s body, beginning with his belly and stomach. Too much tension in this part of a man’s body stifles the sexual energy. Relaxing here allows a man to hold more sexual charge and to have powerful sexual arousal.
Keep your still hand on the man’s lingam for this entire section of the massage, and move to massaging the chest, the nipples, the heart, the neck, the throat. Let your touch begin to be a little more sensual and sexual, bringing the sexual energy slowly online.
Loving the pelvis.
Now that you have loved your man’s entire body with your touch, it is time to focus in on the groin and lingam. The muscles in the groin hardly ever receive much touch, and massaging here can release lots of tension for your man. Ask your beloved to open his legs if he feels comfortable, and make sure each knee is supported by a pillow. As you are working with the groin muscles, there is no need to avoid the genitals, but no need to focus on them either. Simply allow your hand to brush them if you happen to be passing by as you massage the hips, groin, and thighs.
Gently massage the hip joints, beginning with the crease between the scrotum and the leg, being gentle and checking in with your partner about what pressure feels good. Continue toward the buttocks, massaging around all the muscles surrounding the front and back of where the thigh bone connects in to the pelvis.
Next massage the thighs again, helping them to loosen up and relax.
Massaging the Lingam and Ejaculation Mastery
Now you are ready to begin focusing entirely on the genitals. During the lingam massage, be sure to connect with the whole penis, all the way down to its root. Also be sure to make contact with the scrotum and with the perineum. or "tweeny" (the place between the scrotum and the anus). Have your oil or lube handy, and use it generously to prevent any abrasion on the lingam. Our favorite oil for this practice is organic grape seed oil, that we buy in the food section of our local health food store.
Start by touching the scrotum, gently stroking it, and perhaps even drawing out and massaging the skin of the scrotum (check with your man to see if this feels good to him. Be careful NOT to squeeze the man’s testicles.
Now focus on the penis, and do your best to stay out of old habits of giving a "hand job" to create a sexual release. Instead, massage the lingam as you massaged the man’s entire body: slowly, sensually, and with arousal. Use your breath to stay present and feel the energy flowing from your hands into the lingam. You may also find energy flowing back the other way, into you from the lingam! If that happens it is natural, and you can just breathe it in, enjoy it, and continue. If you find that your man is getting close to ejaculation and you would like the lingam massage to continue a little longer, there are some tools you can use to help him enjoy the massage a little while longer. First, ask him to tell you when he is getting close to an ejaculation by saying "yellow" or "red". When this happens, take your hands away from his lingam immediately, and ask him to breathe in very deeply, then breathe out a strong exhale and relax his entire body and belly, and imagine discharging the sexual energy through his feet.
There are a number of different ways to massage the lingam, and most of them involve some kind of stroking on the shaft or the head of the penis. Use your intuition just as you did in the body massage about what feels right to give to your partner. Remember that it doesn’t matter if the man is hard or soft for this part, only that he is breathing, relaxing, and receiving your touch. This is a healing ritual, and its only focus is on the man receiving your touch, not on creating an orgasm. If that happens it’s wonderful, but is NOT a goal. Men should work on staying out of fantasy and staying in their body, always returning to the breath and focusing on the woman’s touch. For them it is a practice of simply seeing what it is like to FEEL a woman’s touch without any expectations on where it will go. In general, SLOW stroking allows you to stay more present in your touch and energy.
When you feel complete with this part of the ceremony, then conclude by again placing a still hand on the lingam, cupping it, and place your other hand on the man’s heart, or 3rd eye (whichever seems appropriate to you). Breathe together.
Closing the Ceremony
End the ceremony by coming into full body contact with your man. Choose the position that is most comfortable for the two of you to cuddle in. Spend some time breathing together and letting the energy come down.
When you are ready, close your ceremony by thanking your guides, teachers, the directions, and any other forces you have asked to assist you in holding space. Bask in the glow of your ritual, and ground yourselves with food and sharing about your experience.