Setting Up – Creating Time and Space
The first thing we need to do before starting any ritual is to find the time to do it. In today’s busy life style this in itself is a tantric practice. Tantra moves us into the now and time becomes fluid, an hour can feel like a few minutes or a minute of ecstasy can stretch into hours. So what do you do in the "real world"? The answer is schedule a good amount of time, for example allowing 4 hours for a breast, lingam or yoni massage. If you are saying, "That’s crazy, I can’t find 4 hours and if I did what would we do with it?" then you are in the right place. Next you need to schedule the time. You might say "Hunny, I would like to offer you this beautiful ritual that I learned about,". Describe the ritual and then ask if that is something they are interested in. Be ok with a yes or no answer. Part of this work is about following spirits will and in our experience if your partner is not ready, it doesn’t matter how much you want to try it, it doesn’t work unless you are both a heart-felt YES. Next ask "When would you like to do this?". Its ok if you have to go back and forth trying to find a time that works for both of you. Our advice is that if you have to go back and forth more than 3 times you might want to look into your willingness to do the ritual and what resistance you might have.
So now that you have a time set up you are ready to think about creating a safe space to play in. There are a few things you can do to prepare for a beautiful tantric ritual. To begin, use candles, incense, or aromatherapy oils to create romantic lighting and scent the air. Have some white sage or incense and a lighter handy to clear your space. Draw the drapes if you like, to create an intimate haven. Have scented or unscented massage oils at the ready, as well as some lubricant that you both like. Put away all the clutter, and put sheets on the bed that can get oil on them. Have pillows handy for under the head and knees, and put the pillows UNDER the bottom sheet so they are protected from the oil. Have a space heater handy or turn up the heat so that you can keep the room warm enough to be naked in. Prepare some finger food such as cheese and crackers, almonds, fresh fruit and chocolate that you can keep near the bed to feed to each other when you are hungry. Have a towel handy. Provide everything you will want for your comfort before you begin. Make this preparation time part of the ritual. Stay present to this moment and notice how nice it can be to do these simple acts.
Once you begin, turn off your phones, lock your pets out of the bedroom and send the kids to grandma’s house or a sitter for the evening. This is time for the two of you to sink into pampering each other and connecting.
If you are viewing one of our downloadable rituals and your computer is in the office, or another room in the house, you can still create a cozy and intimate nest for the video. Do all of the things we mentioned above, and then also build a "nest" of pillows and blankets. I like to put a puffy blanket down on the floor first, then the sheets, and then another blanket over the top. If the floor is hard, you may want to put down an air mattress or futon first. Have pillows handy for under the head and knees, and put the pillows UNDER the bottom sheet so they are protected from the oil.
Because you are about to start a sacred ceremony, there are a few things we do to activate sacred space in the shamanic way. To begin, if you are both able to tolerate smoke, begin your ritual by burning white sage or some other fragrant herb or incense that you like to clean up your energy body. Light the incense or sage and take turns passing it over your body, imagining that it is clearing away anything you don’t need, and helping you to sink into sacred space. If smoke doesn’t work for you, consider beginning your ritual with a shared bath that has 1/2 cup of sea salt added, soak for about 20 minutes, then rinse off.
If you work with spirit guides or teachers, this is a great time to call them in to hold space for the work you are about to do, and to bring in your best and highest good. If you work with the four directions, then call them in as well.
If you do nothing else, create a safe space for the goddess, whatever that means for her. It is very important that she feels safe, loved and supported completely so that she relax into the sacred ritual.