So now that you have a time set up you are ready to think about creating a safe space to play in. There are a few things you can do to prepare for a beautiful tantric ritual. To begin, use candles, incense, or aromatherapy oils to create romantic lighting and scent the air. Have some white sage or incense and a lighter handy to clear your space. Draw the drapes if you like, to create an intimate haven. Have scented or unscented massage oils at the ready, as well as some lubricant that you both like. Put away all the clutter, and put sheets on the bed that can get oil on them. Have pillows handy for under the head and knees, and put the pillows UNDER the bottom sheet so they are protected from the oil. Have a space heater handy or turn up the heat so that you can keep the room warm enough to be naked in. Prepare some finger food such as cheese and crackers, almonds, fresh fruit and chocolate that you can keep near the bed to feed to each other when you are hungry. Have a towel handy. Provide everything you will want for your comfort before you begin. Make this preparation time part of the ritual. Stay present to this moment and notice how nice it can be to do these simple acts.

Once you begin, turn off your phones, lock your pets out of the bedroom and send the kids to grandma’s house or a sitter for the evening. This is time for the two of you to sink into pampering each other and connecting.

If you are viewing one of our downloadable rituals and your computer is in the office, or another room in the house, you can still create a cozy and intimate nest for the video. Do all of the things we mentioned above, and then also build a "nest" of pillows and blankets. I like to put a puffy blanket down on the floor first, then the sheets, and then another blanket over the top. If the floor is hard, you may want to put down an air mattress or futon first. Have pillows handy for under the head and knees, and put the pillows UNDER the bottom sheet so they are protected from the oil.

Because you are about to start a sacred ceremony, there are a few things we do to activate sacred space in the shamanic way. To begin, if you are both able to tolerate smoke, begin your ritual by burning white sage or some other fragrant herb or incense that you like to clean up your energy body. Light the incense or sage and take turns passing it over your body, imagining that it is clearing away anything you don’t need, and helping you to sink into sacred space. If smoke doesn’t work for you, consider beginning your ritual with a shared bath that has 1/2 cup of sea salt added, soak for about 20 minutes, then rinse off.

If you work with spirit guides or teachers, this is a great time to call them in to hold space for the work you are about to do, and to bring in your best and highest good. If you work with the four directions, then call them in as well.

If you do nothing else, create a safe space for the goddess, whatever that means for her. It is very important that she feels safe, loved and supported completely so that she relax into the sacred ritual.

Sacred Tree Audio Meditation

• Begin by sitting comfortably in easy pose, zen pose or any way that is natural for you and that allows your spine to be straight. Take a deep breath, filling your belly with air and allowing your lungs to touch the east and west edges of your rib cage.
  
  
• Continue breathing deeply and focus on letting go of any stress or negativity from the day and letting in nurturing energy. On an inhalation, feel your perineum, the space between your genitals and your anus, "open" up as if it were growing roots.
  
  
• On an exhalation imagine sending your roots directly into the earth–through the floor, through the soil, deep into the earth, all the way to the magnetic core of the Earth, the very heart of the divine feminine.
  
  
• Inhale and breath the earth’s unconditional love up through your body, clearing away blocks and negative emotions as you go. Exhale to release anger, fear, pain, and other negative emotions. and feel Mother Earth taking these emotions and transmuting them it into healing nutrients for the planet.
  
  
• Now take your awareness to the top of your head, and with your next inhalation, feel the top of your head, your crown chakra, opening up like a flower. Exhale, and imagine you are growing branches from the top of your head into the sun or stars. As you connect to this heavenly fire, feel your connection to the Sky Father. Breathe out to release distracting thoughts out through your branches and imagine them burning up in solar or star fire. Breathe in and imagine divine masculine warmth, strength, and light coming down into your head.
  
  
• Become a great tree with leaves and branches connecting all the way to the sun or stars, and roots all the way down deep into the earth. Continue the inhalations and exhalations until your roots and branches are strongly connected to the earth and sky.
  
  
• On your next inhalation, bring up earth mother energy and bring down sky father energy simultaneously. Allow the energies to mix and mingle inside your heart. After a few breaths, move that energy down through your arms and hands. Feel the warm tingling and relish the mixture of mother and father energy in your body.
  
  
• If you are doing this meditation in partnership, at this point shift your focus to connecting energetically with your partner. Have the active partner lead this exercise by intertwining his/her roots and branches with the receptive partner. Take deep, cleansing breaths and feel your energy connection with your partner, noticing how you feel pulled toward each other, like two magnets.
  
  

Now you are ready to move into whatever physical connection is comfortable for both of you. Communicate clearly with each other about your boundaries and your comfort zones as you move into sacred sexual and energetic connection.

You can watch the full 2 hour instructional tanric massage video here.

A Tantric massage is often the first step in learning to be a sexual being without going into fantasy or trancing out. It teaches you how to truly feel your body as it is being touched and aroused sexually, to be in the present moment, aroused and alive.

Start your tantric massage by creating a safe and luxurious space to preform the massage. You can have soft music playing and candles lit to create an opulent space. Prepare some snacks and drinks to have ready during the massage.

The receiver’s only job is to stay present to the touch that is being offered, and to breathe. Make this a deep circular breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth. This breath helps keep you in the present moment and also helps move the sexual kundalini energy through your whole body.

The giver’s only job is to connect and touch in a way that feels good to the giver, not to the person who is receiving the tantric massage. This is one of the most important parts of giving anything. You want to touch your partner as if you are feeling a luxurious fur, and drinking in the sensatios of how it feels to rub your hands along this fur. We do this for two reasons. First, if we touch from a place that feels good to us it will feel great to our partner. Second, when we wonder if our touch is feeling good then we are forced into our heads and out of our bodies. Tantra is the art of being sensually in our bodies not in our heads.

Begin the massage with your lover lying on his or her belly. Although there are many techniques on how to massage, the most important thing is to touch more lightly and slowly than you are in the habit of doing. Bring your focus to the touch itself, and use the same circular breath that your partner is doing. Whenever you catch yourself holding your breath, gently pause the massage and hold your hands still on your partner’s body. Take a deep loud breath, this will remind both you and your partner to breath. Explore his or her whole body as if you have never touched a body before. Linger wherever your hands are called to, move wherever you want to. This is a loving full body massage so don’t forget about those places that don’t often get touched like the inner thighs, groin, and the buttocks.

The back massage will come to a natural conclusion if you let go of any goals or time frames. When this happens ask your partner to gently roll over. This is a good time to offer some of those snacks or drinks that you have prepared. Begin the next stage of the massage with your hand resting in stillness on your partners heart. Spend a few moments breathing together simply feeling your heart connection. As you feel called, begin to explore the front of your partner’s body.

If a woman is receiving, then going slowly is the key. Exposing her breasts and genitals can be a very scary thing, even if you have been intimate for a very long time. Taking your time and making sure that your partner feels safe is very important for her to be able to open to the tantric massage. Begin by massaging her breasts. Use a slow and gentle touch that feels good to you. Don’t worry about arousing her, that is not your job. You can try simply cupping her breasts with your hands and feeling them as she breathes. Imagine that love is poring out of her breasts and into your hands. The breasts are the seat of a woman’s sexuality and need to be loved and honored before any other part of her body will open up to you.

The breast massage will come to a natural conclusion and you can begin to explore the rest of her body, paying special attention to her belly from just below her rib cage to just above her pubic bone. Massage everything from her head to her toes. You can work around her yoni (vagina) massaging her inner thighs but do not actually touch her yoni until her body is completely open to you. Your hands will usually know when you are called to work on her yoni, but it is still important to check with her to make sure that she is ready to open to you. When you feel she is ready ask her verbally, "May I touch your yoni?". This is a very sacred place and must be treated as such. Please look at our description for a yoni massage for more information.

If a man is recieving then they may be very eager to flip over and have a release from the lingam. Many people confuse a tantric massage with an erotic massage and release. In a tantric massage there are no goals, which means we have no goals for a release or to withold a release. Without goals we are able to experience new sensations that Spirit leads us to. In many cases these are more amazing than anything we have explored before. If we force a goal, such as an ejaculation, we will have the exact same release that we always have. Men’s sexuality starts in their lingam (penis). So to begin you might place your hand over his penis and just feel it. There are no expectations that he will get erect or be flaccid. Whatever state he is in is perfect. From there begin to explore the rest of his body. Using your hands to move his sexual charge from his penis out to his body. You can move back to his lingam as your hands are called to but don’t do it because that’s what you think he wants, do it because exploring his lingam feels good to you. Please explore our lingam massage page for more information.

Whether a man or woman is receiving the massage it will come to a natural conclusion. The sexual energy may rise and fall during the massage. Allowing these peaks and valleys to happen without trying to control them is beautiful and very tantric. When the massage comes to a conclusion offer a Namaste "The divine light in me salutes the divine light in you" by placing your hands in prayer on your heart. Staying and cuddling and nibbling on the food you set out for yourselves after the massage is a perfect way to close the ritual. Just breath in the joy and bliss that you have created.

You can download the full 2 hour instructional yoni massage video here.

Yoni is the Sanskrit word for the vagina. It literally means "Divine Passage" or "Sacred Temple." Yoni massage is the ritual of honoring and healing this part of the body. In this ritual, you touch the yoni not from a place of creating arousal and orgasm, but from and intention to be in joy and wonder of this beautiful part of the body. The seed of a woman’s sexuality is in her heart. By following the guidance tantra offers, women learn to connect their heart to their yoni’s pleasure. This leads to a place where the goddess can experience her yoni as fully as she does her heart. There is so much emotion and trauma held in the yoni. To open there and release that clears the way for a whole new level of sexual experience. This process of healing the yoni, of releasing fears and trauma, is like pulling the weeds from a garden to allow space for beautiful flowers to grow. Tantra allows women to plant these flowers within their bodies — flowers of love, joy and ecstasy.

Yoni massage will often bring more sensitivity and aliveness to the female g spot, and lead to the amazing experience of female ejaculation, which releases amrita, the sacred feminine waters. Through this sacred ritual, the goddess learns to release old beliefs that are keeping her from her full sexual enjoyment and her full potential as a lover.

Begin your sacred yoni massage by creating a time and space for the ritual. Please view our Setting Up page for more information.

After you have created a beautiful space for the ritual, begin the solo practice of grounding and centering yourself so you can fully come into partnership. A great way to do this is by practicing our Sacred Tree Meditation

Flowing Into Sacred Space

After taking a few breaths together in the sacred tree meditation, ask the goddess to lie on her stomach for the beginning of the ritual. Many women feel safest while reposing on their stomachs comfortably, and this is an excellent way to create a safe foundation for this sacred ritual. Using an oil you have selected, place the back of your palm on the goddess’s body and warm the oil in your hand. Slowly and gently begin long, deliberate and healing strokes on her legs, thighs, back and neck, checking in from time to time to see how your goddess is doing. See her as if you are looking with a new pair of eyes. Touch her as if this is the first time your hands and fingers have experienced the sensation of her skin. See our Tantric Massage ritual for more information on how to perform tantric massage.

As the giver, lead the breath and focus on staying present for your partner and for yourself. Check in frequently with your goddess to make sure she is still breathing, and remind her to do so with your own deep belly breath. Many times when an uncomfortable emotion surfaces, we hold our breath. This shuts off our resources and makes it more difficult to move the energy. Therefore, be aware of how breath is moving with both of you and don’t be afraid to take a lead role in the breath work.

Take a moment now and help the goddess turn over on her back. Place the pillows under her knees and make sure she is comfortable and relaxed. Look into each other’s eyes and connect with breath and soulful gazing. Ask her how she is doing and check for any outward signs of resistance or unease. If she verbalizes or otherwise shows any fear about moving forward, give her space to explore her emotions. Contain her anxiety, if there is any, and make sure she knows her safety comes first.

Continue loving the goddess as she lies on her back opening up her heart to you. Awaken her legs, belly, breasts, arms, and so on until you have traveled from her toes to the top of her head. (Again following our Tantric Massage ritual for guidance. )

After establishing that your goddess is relaxed, connected and feeling safe on her back, move on now to the external yoni massage. Squeeze a small amount of oil or lubricant onto your hand, warm it, and apply it to the mound of the yoni. Apply just enough so that it drips down the outer lips and covers the outside, then begin gently massaging the mound and outer lips. Take your time here–there is no need to rush. Continue breathing and connecting. Relax, surrender to the moment, and enjoy giving the massage.

Now gently squeeze the outer lip between the thumb and index finger, and slide up and down the entire length of each lip. Do the same to the yoni’s inner lips. Remember to take the process second by second and minute by minute, and continue breathing. Look into each other’s eyes as much as possible, as this will help you remain connected. Encourage your goddess to tell you how she is feeling. How is the pressure, speed, depth? Let her guide you based on her personal needs; however, focus your full attention on the pleasurable sensation as too much conversation may interfere with the energy you are creating. 

The Yoni

The next step in the external portion of this sacred ritual is to stroke the clitoris with clockwise and counter-clockwise circles. Be very gentle, as the clitoris is up to four times more sensitive than the lingam (penis). Squeeze it softly between your thumb and index fingers, watching your goddess and breathing together with her. Be aware that you are not attempting to bring your goddess to orgasm–this is a massage. She may become aroused, of course, but encourage her to relax and breathe into the moment.

Before entering the yoni place one hand on her heart and cup your other hand over her mound and simply breath. After a few breaths ask her if she feels safe for you to enter her. Slowly and carefully now, insert the middle finger of your hand into the yoni. Encourage your goddess to pull your finger in and move at her pace. One you have penetrated her very gently move and massage the inside of the yoni with this finger. Be present, breathe, and take your time. Feel North, South, East and West, varying the depth, speed, and pressure. Remember once again that this is a massage in which you are nurturing, honoring and relaxing the goddess and her yoni.

Now with your palm up and your finger enveloped, move the middle finger in a "come hither" gesture or back toward the base of your palm. You will feel a soft, spongy area just under the pubic bone and behind the clitoris. This is the G-spot or sacred spot. The goddess may feel the need to urinate, experience a little discomfort or she may feel pleasure. She may also feel nothing. Allow her to have her feelings without trying to fix them. If she needs to urinate encourage her to get up, if there is discomfort ease up on the pressure or move to a place in her yoni where she feels pleasure. Experiment with the pressure and speed of movement. Move North, South, East, West or in circles with your finger. Take your time, breathe and be very gentle. 

Moving in Time, the Yoni Clock

For many women this may be the first time someone had lovingly touched their yoni without a sexual intention. It can be very pleasurable but the intention is simply to be in the moment and explore with love. Body mapping (discovering where your body feels pleasure, pain, or numbeness) is a way to connect a physical sensation in the body with a location and greatly helps increase sensitivity and awareness. Imagine that the yoni has a clock face on it. Start by telling your goddess that you are touching at the entrance to her yoni towards her belly Twelve o’clock. Move your finger, and gently massage inward, penetrating her yoni but staying at Twelve o’clock. Pause at each spot and breathe into the experience, encouraging the goddess to do the same. Remember that she may need to get up and go to the restroom. She may feel pleasure or she may feel some unexpected pain or emotion come up. The physical sensation she may experience might feel like broken glass, or it may be a dull, burning, or even a sharp sensation. You may feel a pulse point there, a place where you can feel a blood vessel pulsing. Breathe, hold the space and connect with your goddess as she processes whatever emotion she needs to process. Use your other hand to comfort her and reassure her that she is safe. Have her take a deep breath, hold it and then release it with a powerful exhalation. Ask her to imagine releasing the pain or emotion in that breath. Move to a place that is more pleasurable and then reconnect to her and that same spot. Move on to the next spot when she is ready. Repeat this process around the entire "clock" One o’clock, 2 o’clock, etc of her yoni until you are back at 12 o’clock, the sacred spot. Explore each part of her yoni as if you have never touched her before. Be bold and gentle alternating between deep exploration and light touch. Always remembering to breath and stay in the moment.

As the massage winds down, allow your goddess time to return. Maintain eye contact and gently remove your hand from her yoni. Check in with your goddess to see what she needs. Continue to be a safe container for her emotions. Cuddle or hold your goddess as long as you like afterwards and bask in the beautiful energy you have both created by connecting in this special way. Give her as much space and time as she needs to regroup and make sure you have food and water or juice available to help both of you get grounded. Be careful to not flow into lovemaking. Allow this ritual to be complete by itself. There is a powerful bond of safety that is created in the sacred yoni massage by allowing the goddess to fully receive the gift without the expectation that she give back in any way. Lovemaking, although beautiful in experience will greatly take away from this gift.

You can download the full 2 hour instructional lingam massage video here.

Difficulty with premature ejaculation, or improving male sexual stamina can often be healed through loving nurturing of the lingam. Through this sacred ritual, you learn to release old beliefs that are keeping you from your full potential as a lover, and your full enjoyment of your sexuality.

The Lingam Massage Ceremony

Begin by Creating Sacred Space for your ceremony.

After you have created a beautiful space for the ritual, begin the solo practice of grounding and centering yourself so you can fully come into partnership. A great way to do this is by practicing our Sacred Tree Meditation.

Connecting to your partner

Now that you are deeply connected to your own life force and to the life force of Earth and Sky, begin to connect your roots to your partner’s roots, allowing the connection to feel sexual and spiritual at the same time. You may notice tingling, heat, or arousal when you make this connection. Once your roots are connected, imagine that you are connecting your branches also. Inhale and exhale together, synchronizing your breath to help synchronize your energy levels, making it more easy to come into a connection that contains both stillness, mindfulness, and sexual arousal.

Once you have an energy connection, come into a physical connection, holding hands, touching knees, woman sitting in the man’s lap, or whatever position is comfortable for the two of you. Keep breathing and feeling your energy connection as you come together physically.

Now that you are connected physically, imagine that your hearts are linking together with vines or energy cords. Really feel that your hearts are connected to each other, and that you could send energy back and forth at this place. Add your eyes next, just gently connecting and looking into each other.

Beginning the Ritual–Creating Relaxation

Now you are ready to move into the first phase of the lingam massage, where you focus on helping your man to relax and drop into the tantric space, where there are no goals. This is sacred ritual, and while sexuality and arousal is welcomed and encouraged as part of the ritual, it is important to stay out of the habits of the past. Rather than being a simple hand job (which of course can be yummy!) this is a ceremony designed to allow a man to experience sexual touch with no need to give back or perform in any particular way.

This may be the first time a man has ever experienced this type of touch, and it is really a gift. Be willing to stay present, as if you are meditating, whether you are giving or receiving in this ritual. If you are giving the massage, let your sexual energy flow as healing energy through your hands, breathing it up from your genitals to your heart, and then out through your arms and hands, into your partner’s body and lingam. If you are receiving, really let yourself take in your partner’s energy, and let down any walls you may have. Stay present and out of the need to make love or ejaculate by breathing and staying present. This is not about orgasm, and it’s not about performance. Any state of arousal that you are in is perfect. The man doesn’t have to be hard or soft for any part of this ritual.

See our Tantric Massage ritual for more information on how to perform tantric massage.

Waking up the sexual energy

Have your partner roll over onto his back now, and reposition the pillows so that he is comfortable. You may want to put one pillow under each knee, leaving his legs spread a little bit apart, and another pillow under his head to cushion his neck.

Once your man is comfortable, return to the still touch that you used on his back, and remember to breathe. Gently place one hand over his lingam, cupping the whole penis. While that hand remains still, use your other hand to massage the front of the man’s body, beginning with his belly and stomach. Too much tension in this part of a man’s body stifles the sexual energy. Relaxing here allows a man to hold more sexual charge and to have powerful sexual arousal.

Keep your still hand on the man’s lingam for this entire section of the massage, and move to massaging the chest, the nipples, the heart, the neck, the throat. Let your touch begin to be a little more sensual and sexual, bringing the sexual energy slowly online.

Loving the pelvis.

Now that you have loved your man’s entire body with your touch, it is time to focus in on the groin and lingam. The muscles in the groin hardly ever receive much touch, and massaging here can release lots of tension for your man. Ask your beloved to open his legs if he feels comfortable, and make sure each knee is supported by a pillow. As you are working with the groin muscles, there is no need to avoid the genitals, but no need to focus on them either. Simply allow your hand to brush them if you happen to be passing by as you massage the hips, groin, and thighs.

Gently massage the hip joints, beginning with the crease between the scrotum and the leg, being gentle and checking in with your partner about what pressure feels good. Continue toward the buttocks, massaging around all the muscles surrounding the front and back of where the thigh bone connects in to the pelvis.

Next massage the thighs again, helping them to loosen up and relax.

Massaging the Lingam and Ejaculation Mastery

Now you are ready to begin focusing entirely on the genitals. During the lingam massage, be sure to connect with the whole penis, all the way down to its root. Also be sure to make contact with the scrotum and with the perineum. or "tweeny" (the place between the scrotum and the anus). Have your oil or lube handy, and use it generously to prevent any abrasion on the lingam. Our favorite oil for this practice is organic grape seed oil, that we buy in the food section of our local health food store.

Start by touching the scrotum, gently stroking it, and perhaps even drawing out and massaging the skin of the scrotum (check with your man to see if this feels good to him. Be careful NOT to squeeze the man’s testicles.

Now focus on the penis, and do your best to stay out of old habits of giving a "hand job" to create a sexual release. Instead, massage the lingam as you massaged the man’s entire body: slowly, sensually, and with arousal. Use your breath to stay present and feel the energy flowing from your hands into the lingam. You may also find energy flowing back the other way, into you from the lingam! If that happens it is natural, and you can just breathe it in, enjoy it, and continue. If you find that your man is getting close to ejaculation and you would like the lingam massage to continue a little longer, there are some tools you can use to help him enjoy the massage a little while longer. First, ask him to tell you when he is getting close to an ejaculation by saying "yellow" or "red". When this happens, take your hands away from his lingam immediately, and ask him to breathe in very deeply, then breathe out a strong exhale and relax his entire body and belly, and imagine discharging the sexual energy through his feet.

There are a number of different ways to massage the lingam, and most of them involve some kind of stroking on the shaft or the head of the penis. Use your intuition just as you did in the body massage about what feels right to give to your partner. Remember that it doesn’t matter if the man is hard or soft for this part, only that he is breathing, relaxing, and receiving your touch. This is a healing ritual, and its only focus is on the man receiving your touch, not on creating an orgasm. If that happens it’s wonderful, but is NOT a goal. Men should work on staying out of fantasy and staying in their body, always returning to the breath and focusing on the woman’s touch. For them it is a practice of simply seeing what it is like to FEEL a woman’s touch without any expectations on where it will go. In general, SLOW stroking allows you to stay more present in your touch and energy.

When you feel complete with this part of the ceremony, then conclude by again placing a still hand on the lingam, cupping it, and place your other hand on the man’s heart, or 3rd eye (whichever seems appropriate to you). Breathe together.

Closing the Ceremony

End the ceremony by coming into full body contact with your man. Choose the position that is most comfortable for the two of you to cuddle in. Spend some time breathing together and letting the energy come down.

When you are ready, close your ceremony by thanking your guides, teachers, the directions, and any other forces you have asked to assist you in holding space. Bask in the glow of your ritual, and ground yourselves with food and sharing about your experience.

A beautiful guide to prostate massage can be found at www.whitelotuseast.com/SacredSpotMassage.htm

First make yourself comfortable in your bed and give yourself permission to take some time to play. Turn your phone off, light some candles, turn on some sensual music, set up your environment as if you were going to have a lover over. You are your best lover after all

Visualize a time and place in your life that you felt connected to spirit, when your heart felt open and good. If you have a mediation practice then it may simply be when you are meditating. The first time I felt it was when I was 14 and on a sailboat at night far out at sea. I saw the stars and the milkyway in their true glory for the first time. I didn’t know what I was feeling at the time but looking back I know it was spirit because it felt good in my heart. Since then I know I feel connected to spirit when I am out in nature, when I am dancing, at yoga, when I feel the sun on my face, when I meditate, when I take a deep breath and reconnect to my body and the present moment, when I teach, and of course when I make love.

Once you have this visualization in your head slowly undress yourself and lie down on your bed. Make yourself comfortable with pillows and blankets. Now place your hands on your heart and take a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Keep doing this while you visualize the feeling of connectedness to spirit. Don’t worry about visualizing the place just the feeling and breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth. As you do this you may start to feel your body come alive, tingle, feel good. This may take a while so just keep breathing, visualizing the feeling of spirit and holding your heart, without judgment.

Through this whole practice you will have times when your mind wanders, when you go into sexual fantasy, when you trance out, when you have thoughts of work or how silly this is… When you realize you are having these thoughts just thank your mind for doing what it thinks will keep you safe, tell that little voice in your head that you love it and that you can keep it safe now.  Take a deep breath and come back into the present moment, reconnecting to the feeling of spirit in your body and simply continue.

As you breath with your hands on your heart you will start to feel; good, sad, mad, joyous… Just let yourself have these feelings. When it feels appropriate begin to caress your breasts. The trick here is to stay present to the feeling and not go into fantasy. Imagine that you have never touched yourself before and simply feel what it feels like to caress your breasts. In tantra we don’t have any goals. You are not trying to make yourself feel good or have an orgasm. You are just breathing, connecting to spirit and caressing yourself lovingly. Again just go back to the breath whenever you feel yourself going into old patterns. The breasts are the gateway to a goddesses sexuality so awaking them first before moving to the rest of the body is a beautiful practice.

You may start to feel light headed or tingles in your hands. As your breasts awaken you will feel drawn to explore the rest of your body. Play with yourself. Touch yourself lightly and slowly. A good measure is that you should be moving as slowly as you are breathing. Stay with this exploration of your body for as long as you can before moving to your yoni. Massaging the yoni in a tantric present way is a whole practice in itself so do your best and have fun with the rest of your masturbation.

You can watch the full 2 hour instructional tanric massage video here.

A Tantric massage is a first step in learning to be a sexual being without going into fantasy or trancing out. It teaches you how to truly feel your body as it is being touched and aroused sexually, to be in the present moment, aroused and alive.

Start your Sacred Breast Massage by creating a safe and luxurious space to perform the massage. You can have soft music playing and candles lit to create an opulent space. Prepare some snacks and drinks to nibble on in case you get hungry during or after the massage.

The receiver’s only job is to stay present to the touch that is being offered, and to breathe. Make this a deep circular breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth, with no pauses between the inhale and exhale. This breath helps keep you in the present moment and also helps move the sexual kundalini and emotional energy through your whole body.

The giver’s only job is to connect and touch in a way that feels good to the giver, not to the person who is receiving the tantric massage. This is one of the most important parts of giving anything. You want to touch your partner as if you are feeling a luxurious fur, and drinking in the sensations of how it feels to rub your hands along this fur. We do this for two reasons. First, if we touch from a place that feels good to us it will feel great to our partner. Second, when we wonder if our touch is feeling good then we are forced into our heads and out of our bodies. Tantra is the art of being sensually in our bodies, not in our heads.

Begin the massage with your lover lying on her belly. Although there are many different massage techniques (look at our tantric massage reference books), the most important thing is to touch more lightly and slowly than you are in the habit of doing. Bring your focus to the touch itself, and use the same circular breath that your partner is doing. Whenever you catch yourself holding your breath, gently pause the massage and hold your hands still on your partner’s body. Take a deep loud breath, this will remind both you and your partner to breath. Explore his or her whole body as if you have never touched a body before. Linger wherever your hands are called to, move wherever you want to. This is a loving full body massage so don’t forget about those places that don’t often get touched, like the inner thighs, groin, and buttocks.

The back massage will come to a natural conclusion if you let go of any goals or time frames. When this happens ask your partner to gently roll over. This is a good time to offer some of those snacks or drinks that you have prepared. Begin the next stage of the massage with your hand resting in stillness on your partner’s heart. Spend a few moments breathing together simply feeling your heart connection. As you feel called, begin to explore the front of your partner’s body.

If a woman is receiving, then going slowly is the key. Exposing her breasts and genitals can be a very scary thing, even if you have been intimate for a very long time. Taking your time and making sure that your partner feels safe and warm is very important for her to be able to open to the tantric massage. Be sure to keep the room warm enough for her to be comfortable with being nude. Now that she is on her back, begin by massaging her breasts. Use a slow and gentle touch that feels good to you. Don’t worry about arousing her, that is not your job. You can try simply cupping her breasts with your hands and feeling them as she breathes. Imagine that love is poring out of her breasts and into your hands. The breasts are the seat of a woman’s sexuality and need to be loved and honored before any other part of her body will open up to you.

The breast massage will come to a natural conclusion and you can begin to pay special attention to her belly from just below her rib cage to just above her pubic bone. You can move to gently massaging the yoni from here, or into slow and gentle lovemaking, or just end the breast massage ritual if that is what feels right to both of you.

You can warm up to a tantric lovemaking ritual with our tanric massage and yoni massage videos

In this practice, we see God/dess, we merge, we are filled with ecstasy. It is a worship not only of our sexuality, but of our hearts and our spiritual connection. Tantric lovemaking teaches us to combine three different energetic connections to our partner at once: A spiritual connection where our energetic bodies merge; a loving connection where we allow ourselves to be deeply vulnerable; and a sexual connection that can feel like fire moving through the body.

Tantric lovemaking is the stuff of transformation in relationships. It reflects whatever is there and makes it really big so we can no longer ignore it. If there is love, it gets bigger. If there is fear, we will feel it in our bodies. If anger, that will come through too. It’s not uncommon for one or both partners to shed tears with the intensity of this practice, and that is normal. It is not unusual to find conflict in the lovemaking that reflects something in the relationship to move through with each other. And then there is bliss and connection that can be renewed, deepened, and strengthened.

Tantric Lovemaking strengthens us as individuals too, giving us the opportunity to come fully present to our patterns in relationship, by seeing their reflections in the lovemaking. We clear the channels in our energy body and become more open to feeling, containing, and transforming our sexual energy. Our finding of passion and joy in the connection translates into finding passion and joy within our life. We can bring these feelings into our work, and all of our other relationships. More than that, it gives us a place to really explore the manifestation of what a spiritual connection feels like in the body. We become part of the world in a new way, more fully connected, more able to love and experience being loved. We expand, gaining a new ability to love the world now because we know what being open is.

Preparing for Ceremony

Begin your tantric lovemaking ceremony by creating a time and space for the ritual. Please view our Setting Up page for more information.

After you have created a beautiful space for the ritual, begin the solo practice of grounding and centering yourself so you can fully come into partnership. A great way to do this is by practicing our Sacred Tree Meditation

Now you are ready to go forward. Set your intentions for the ceremony, including:

• Staying present while making love
• Letting go of goals, especially for orgasm
• Staying as connected and open to your partner as you can
  
  

Getting Connected

Sit facing your partner now, and come into an energetic connection, a dual meditation. Imagine that you are connecting your roots and branches to each other in meditation, and feel the energetic connection between your root chakras and crown chakras before coming into a physical connection, either woman sitting in the man’s lap, or lying side-by-side, facing each other. Don’t flow into intercourse yet. Slow things down…

Put your hand on your partner’s heart and breathe deeply together. Imagine connecting your heart chakras to each other, and start sending love back and forth, using your exhale to send love and your inhale to breathe in and receive love. Stay with this practice for about 5 minutes before flowing into the next exercise.

Pleasuring the Body

Now you start to go deeper with the practice, going deeper with the art of Dragon Breath. While still connected, start to imagine breathing the fiery energy from deep in the earth up into your root chakras, doing this practice together. After some breaths in the root chakra, breath energy up into the belly just below the navel, then into the solar plexus, then into the heart, then the throat, the 3rd eye, and the crown. Once you reach the crown, breathe the energy all the way up from the earth and let it flow out the top of your heads together.

Now that your energies are warmed up, start to activate your hands and bring all your awareness to your hands and to any tingling you might feel there. Feel the connection between that tingling in your hands and the love that’s in your heart for your partner. As you begin to touch your partner, stay totally present to the feeling of their skin under your fingertips. Touch them from a place of what feels good to you, and slow it down. Let your hands move more slowly than our breath, and keep breathing fully and deeply as you touch, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Touch your partner’s whole body, their arms, legs, torso, feet, and don’t touch the genitals quite yet. Take some time to linger on the other parts of the body and help them to come alive and present to this powerful connection.

Next, it is time to focus some attention on the woman’s breasts, so allow her to lie down and receive this gift. Focus on her breasts and on touching her from a place of being totally present and having no goals. Spend about 10 minutes here, really focusing on sending love to the woman’s breasts, and ladies let this be arousing for you and connect this arousal to your yoni, moving the sexual energy down.

Now focus the touch attention on the man’s lingam, and let the next 10 minutes be an opportunity to practice breathing through arousal and prolonging orgasm. (See our lingam massage ritual for more about ejaculatory mastery and premature ejaculation). Spend time really loving the lingam and sending love from your heart out through your hands.

Finally move to the yoni, massaging it and giving it a lot of love, but not penetrating the yoni yet, just concentrating on external massage (see our yoni massage ritual for more info about how to love the yoni). Spend about 10 minutes here.

Making Love

Most couples have habits about how they flow into intercourse, so there are a number of lovemaking techniques for you to try and experiment with as you flow into lovemaking:

• Keep breathing –notice that your breath may try to freeze or shorten or get shallow when you are making love. Sometimes men find that breathing deeply relaxes them too much to keep an erection. Stay with it.The rewards of learning to make love, be aroused, and still breathe deeply are many.
• Try Soft Penetration–Try flowing into lovemaking even if you don’t have an erection. It is totally possible to put the penis in the vagina when it is still soft, you just simply feed it in and sit in yabyum (man on the woman’s lap), or lie together in missionary position (man on top)
  
• Make Love in Stillness–Lie together and instead of thrusting, begin making love just by squeezing the PC muscles in the vagina and around the penis. Move the sexual energy up and down through the chakras. Breathe.
• Flow Between Lovemaking Positions –You can try this flow, or create one of your own. Keep a sense of humor and be willing to experiment. Remember that real couples making love may need to adjust, to be willing to experiment.
  • missionary (man on top)–yabyum (woman in man’s lap)–woman on top–yabyum–missionary.
• Try to find your own flow that works with your bodies and genitals. Different penis sizes and body shapes–work better for different positions.
• Remember to stay out of old habits and goals. Let yourself sink into the pleasure of making love as long as you want. Take your time, perhaps even take breaks and then come back to making love. Men are encouraged to try holding off ejaculation as long as they like, and being open to the possibility of experiencing orgasm without an ejaculation.
  
  

Closing

One of the nicest ways to end is with spooning. The man holds the woman, her back up against his chest, and they simply lie together and breathe. Let yourself just sink into this and melt with each other. When you are ready (and if you are still awake!) it might be nice to end with sharing a little with each other about what this experience was like for you. Be sure to blow out the candles before you fall asleep!

This ritual is a combination of many tantric teachings. The touch work I first learned as the "16 elements of ecstasy" from Mellissa Seaman. Techniques of PC muslce movement and stillness. Breathwork I learned from Satyam Kamala. The rest is born of reading and experimenting as well as channeling together in our tantric partnership.

We have performed this ritual many times in both private session and as a class setting and are thrilled to offer you our experience.